As a self-proclaimed “extroverted introvert,” I enjoy being social – for a time. And then I crave my own solitary bunker and personal space.
I hug my friends and family of course, but even then, I’ve never been the most physically demonstrative person. So hugging strangers for hours last weekend was a bit of a stretch for me.
But we can all reach beyond our limits for something we believe in.
Find something you believe in
Sara Cunningham, a Christian woman in conservative Oklahoma, started Free Mom Hugs in 2018 to show love to the LGBTQIA+ community. But the road to that point wasn’t easy.
Sara struggled to accept and demonstrate love to her own gay son for years after he came out. After much soul-searching and educating herself, she eventually chose love and acceptance over judgment but wondered how to get more involved with the community.
Sara gave her first hug in 2015 at an Oklahoma City Pride parade to a girl who whispered to her: “It’s been four years since I got a hug from my mom because I’m a lesbian.”
And with that, Sara realized the power of a simple hug and got to work.
Over 37,000 volunteers (not just moms!) across 50 states now help her spread the love. When Free Mom Hugs asked for volunteers to support a Pride event at a large urban park in my town, I knew I wanted to join them.
Get out of your comfort zone
At the start of the day, all of us volunteers crowded around the Free Mom Hugs booth. The number of eager allies was a great demonstration of support for the cause, but our sheer numbers (a good problem!) started to look a little intimidating to those walking by.
So some of us wandered away from the booth to go “free-range hugging.” Without the merch tables behind us and other volunteers at our sides, we looked and felt a little more conspicuous, but we were doing it.
With one hug after another, our confidence grew. And our hearts swelled.
Have the courage to speak up…or speak first
Our T-shirts advertised free hugs, but that didn’t mean everyone rushed towards us with open arms. It’s human nature to be hesitant with people we don’t know.
People were much more receptive to interacting if we spoke up as they passed: “Anyone need a hug?” or “Free mom hugs right here!”
It broke the ice.
Interacting with strangers can be unnerving even for social butterflies; but for introverts, the discomfort is enough to make you turn around and run in the other direction. If that’s you, remember that the other person usually has the same hesitation. Assume the best about each other and jump in.
You’d be surprised how receptive most people are to an encouraging word or helping hand. But even if they need help, they might not make the first move. They keep quiet instead, afraid of looking foolish or being a burden.
Offer what you can. If they turn you down, so be it. At least you tried.
But more often than not, you’ll find both of you connect in a meaningful way. I got just as much out of those hugs as the people I was giving them to!
Meet people where they are
Many people leaned into our open arms enthusiastically, but others looked pretty uncomfortable with the idea of hugging a stranger. Occasionally, someone would glance our way and then quickly avert their eyes.
No problem. Support is most meaningful when it reflects whatever the person you’re trying to help needs or wants.
If someone was hesitant to hug, we didn’t give up. We just took a different strategy.
We offered a high five, fist bump, or a quick word of encouragement instead. And most of the time, they’d receive one of those options with a smile.
Just open the door with compassion and understanding. It doesn’t take much for people to feel comfortable enough to walk in.
I don’t have the answers to all (any?) of the world’s problems. But what I know for sure is that every one of us deserves to feel love and belonging.
At a time when it’s easy to question whether one person can really move the needle, I can help provide that. Even if it means stepping out of my comfort zone to do it.
What’s making you uncomfortable right now? Is there something you feel called to do, but you hesitate because you can’t see your way clear to the end?
Don’t let fear stop you. Just take the next step in the right direction, and then the next, and then the next. You’ll figure it out.
We’re counting on it.
Please share this post with the people in your life who need to hear it today:
YOU MATTER. Your words and actions make a real difference to others and our world!
