As I took measured steps down the aisle toward the rest of the bridesmaids, I recognized her in an instant. We had never met in person, but even in a sea of smiling faces, I knew it was her.
She recognized me, too, and blew air kisses in my direction as I passed her row. I wanted to run over and give her a big hug, but that would have to wait. We had a ceremony to get through first.
The radiant bride – the third in our unlikely trio – rounded the curve of the sidewalk and started walking toward her groom at the gazebo.
This beautiful October day was about celebrating the happy couple, but the three of us were also excited to be together in person for the first time. It was a moment over four years in the making, and we wanted to really soak it in.
How we started
We connected first through an online writer’s workshop where we hoped to get feedback on our individual writing projects.
In early fall 2021, people were emerging from the COVID pandemic, but much was still online. Regardless, we lived outside San Francisco, in downtown St. Louis and north of Philadelphia, so meeting in person wasn’t an option. We all signed up for the workshop and started meeting regularly for group sessions led by a facilitator over Zoom.
On the face of it, the three of us have little in common. The favored wedding guest is a social worker who’s writing a memoir. The bride is a doctor trying her hand at fiction. And I’m a past lawyer and nonprofit advocate who writes non-fiction. Our age range spans about 35 years.
But from the first week of that workshop, we felt a special connection.
How we kept going
When the workshop ended in late 2021, we agreed to keep meeting on our own. We wanted more feedback on our writing; but we’d also become personally invested in each other’s stories, on paper and in real life, and didn’t want that to end.
Every two weeks, we’d hop on Zoom and show up for each other. We’d finish a call by stating writing goals for the next two weeks and hold each other accountable.
Weeks turned into months, and incredibly, months turned into years.
We learned about each other through our writing.
Our fiction/doctor friend wove medical jargon and personal narratives into her stories. We got attached to her characters as she revealed their journeys to us a little at a time. When she changed the story line and flipped some characters, she left us hanging – now we’ll never know the end of that original story!
The memoirist exposed personal details of her life through anecdotes for her book. She came from a challenging family in a small Midwestern town, married a local guy young, and served in the U.S. military just as women started to do that. We read crazy stories about Army training in heels and a pressed skirt, but also how the opportunity allowed her to see a whole world outside her hometown. She eventually got divorced, then married again and ventured into a new career in social work. Memoir writing is revealing work, but she didn’t hold back.
Through personal essays for outside publication or How’s Your Impact, I gave them a window into my work and life experiences in law, journalism, music and nonprofits, as well as raising my young adult kids and being active in my community.
Despite our differences, somehow we complemented each other.
Over time, our bond went beyond written words.
We were the sounding board when our doctor friend’s marriage to her high school sweetheart broke apart painfully. And when she met someone else and wondered if she could ever trust love again. (Spoiler alert: She did – since the wedding last month was hers!)
We listened as our social worker friend gave up her license to practice and dealt with her dear sister going into Hospice. They helped me keep my sanity as I sent my last child off to college, built a new house across the country, and faced daunting health challenges all in the same year.
No longer were we dealing with just words on the page. This was real life.
And every two weeks, we kept showing up.
At one point, my travels intersected with my doctor friend, so we met for coffee in Seattle. Another time, she dropped by my new house, which happens to be close to where her parents live. But mostly, we all know each other through Zoom calls. And we’d never met our social worker friend in person until last month at the wedding.
When we all finally met in person
After the ceremony was over, the wedding party recessed back down the sidewalk and waited outside around the corner of the historic venue for pictures. Most guests moved inside for drinks and appetizers, but one petite, excited woman broke free from the pack and made a beeline over to the wedding party. We saw her coming and rushed to hug her tight.
After seeing each other’s faces in Zoom boxes every other week for four years, the three of us were finally all together in person! We danced the night away and had a wonderful time celebrating the bride and groom, but also our incredibly good fortune in finding (and holding onto) each other.
Connection shows up in the most unexpected places. Our hearts just have to be open to it.
Enjoy connecting with your family and friends as we head into the holiday season – but stay open to the unexpected connections you might make with others as well. You never know where they’ll lead!
Please share this post with someone who needs to hear it today:
YOU MATTER. Your connections with others make a real difference in our world!
