It’s that time of year again. Graduates everywhere are celebrating their achievements. Post-ceremony dinners, pool and grad parties, beach time, travel far and wide. Much time and effort went into getting that diploma, so live it up!
Graduates inevitably hear one question more than any other from their friends and family: “So…what do you want to do?”
Not “what are your summer plans?” or “where are you headed in the fall?”
What the grad hears: what do you want to do…as a career…for the rest of your life?
We’re a goal-oriented society. We like predictability. A carefully thought-out next step. So naturally, we expect the grad to know what they want to do.
But maybe they don’t.
Most can tell you where they’re going to college or trade school if they’ve chosen that path. Some have even declared a major. But the majority won’t really know what career they’ll go into until they learn more about their options. And that’s ok.
Asking an 18-year-old what they want to do as a career when they’ve just graduated high school can be intimidating. If they don’t know, they feel pressure to come up with an answer for all the grownups asking the question. No one enjoys looking like they don’t have it all figured out.
So, what’s the question we should ask instead? First, let’s meet Camilla.
In one of my favorite kid’s books – A Bad Case of Stripes by David Shannon – a young girl named Camilla Cream loves lima beans, but she’s afraid to let anyone else know it. No one likes lima beans, so what would everyone think of her if the secret got out?
Camilla cares a lot about what other people think. On the first day of school, she tried on 42 different outfits to pick just the right combo everyone will like. When she finally chose one and looked in the mirror, she was shocked to see every inch of her body covered in colorful stripes. She didn’t feel sick, but she stayed home from school anyway. Who knows what the other kids would say!
Without any other symptoms of illness like a runny nose or fever, Camilla’s doctor cleared her to go to school the next day. That didn’t go so well.
When the class said the Pledge of Allegiance, Camilla’s stripes turned red, white and blue with stars! Once the other kids realized her appearance could change, they started yelling out all kinds of shapes and patterns – like checkerboard or polka-dots – and watched as her skin changed back and forth. She was too much of a distraction, so they sent her home.
Not even specialists and experts could find a cure. Every proposed remedy just made it worse until Camilla was unrecognizable…and miserable. When an environmental therapist suggested she breathe deeply and “become one with your room,” Camilla literally became the walls and furniture of her room. All as TV news reporters covered the sensational story from her front lawn.
Finally, a sweet older woman came to the house and offered Camilla what she’d wanted all along – lima beans. Camilla resisted at first, saying of course she didn’t like lima beans. She didn’t want to give people yet another reason to make fun of her.
But things couldn’t get much worse. So just as the woman was leaving, Camilla admitted at last that she actually loved lima beans. The woman popped them into Camilla’s mouth and something amazing happened. By honoring who she really was, Camilla turned into her normal self again!
From then on, Camilla ate all the lima beans she wanted. She was no longer afraid to be herself, no matter what anyone else thought of her.
The question we should be asking a recent graduate: Who do you want to BE?
They’re still working out the details, but if they’re brave enough to give you a glimpse into who they’re becoming, respect what they say, even if the answer is one you don’t expect. Honor them by staying curious and showing you’re interested in who they are as a person, not just what job they’ll have.
Maybe they know they love working with kids so they want to be someone who helps better the lives of children or families. Or they love spending time outdoors so they want to be a person who champions environmental causes. Many jobs fit these descriptions.
The average person will change jobs or careers at least 3-7 times in their lifetimes. But graduates who are allowed to explore and become the type of adult they want to be – community servant, voice for the voiceless, funniest person in every room – will maintain that constant thread no matter what job they have. Let’s give them space to figure it out.
When graduates – and adults of all ages – know they can be their true selves, we get the very best of them.
Now that – along with a little spending money – is a fantastic graduation gift.
Congratulations graduates! We wish you the freedom to explore who you’re going to be in this world. We’re excited to see where your journey takes you!
