Elton John and Brandi Carlile released a new record last week, but it’s his long-time feud with music icon Madonna that’s making headlines in the last couple of days.
Madonna first saw Elton in concert when she was in high school in the late 1970s. She left inspired by the “transformative power of music.” His flamboyant persona showed her “it was ok to be different [and] stand out.”
Doing just that, she cranked out one (sometimes controversial) hit after another through the 1980s and 1990s. By the time the two sang a duet together on stage at Carnegie Hall in 1998, Madonna was every bit as famous as Elton John yet still admired him greatly.
But their dynamic was about to change.
In 2002, Elton publicly criticized Madonna’s James Bond theme song “Die Another Day,” calling it the “worst Bond tune ever.” Later, he questioned whether she had lip-synced one of her award-nominated performances (which she denied). Then in 2012, he continued to berate her – calling her a “nightmare” – when she beat him for best original song at the Golden Globes.
We don’t know the back story, but Madonna continued to say publicly that Elton was a “brilliant” musician whom she adored. But she was hurt by how someone she “admired so much shared his dislike of [her] publicly as an artist.”
What a difference the passing of another decade can make.
When she found out that Elton and Brandi Carlile would be performing on Saturday Night Live last weekend, Madonna went to New York in search of resolution. She approached him after the show. Before she could even speak, Elton said two simple words: “Forgive me.”
They decided to “bury the hatchet” at long last – with him asking forgiveness for his “big mouth” and praising her publicly for a “groundbreaking” career that has inspired generations of female artists.
Will the reconciliation last? Is it a media stunt? Or an effort to focus on more important things in light of his health issues and our divided world?
Who knows. But it got me thinking.
Could it really be this simple? Can we just decide to get along?
I’d be more skeptical if I hadn’t witnessed something similar in my own family recently. Maybe this simple strategy could work.
An out-of-town family member visited us a few weeks ago. She and my mother-in-law have been good friends for years, feeling more like sisters than the first cousins they are. They’ve lived hundreds of miles apart for decades, but distance doesn’t blunt their closeness. These two strong women support each other’s families and share the joys and sorrows of life together.
One night, one of our college-aged kids picked up the cousin and my MIL to join us for dinner. During the initial small talk, my college student revealed their public policy major, which quickly led to the discovery that the student and the cousin held very different political views.
Cue. Awkward. Pause.
They still faced dinner and a whole evening together. How would this go?
But instead of turning hostile or uncomfortable, they looked each other in the eye and made the decision out loud that they could “play in the same sandbox.” They chose to treat each other with respect, acknowledging they each had their own perspectives. They interacted with ease. We had a fun night.
The cousin even said at the end of the week what an amazing person she thought my kid was after they’d gotten to know each other better. Who they cast their votes for didn’t matter. They enjoyed spending time together and we all took a much-needed break from the news headlines.
It sounds too simple. And maybe it won’t solve everything. But maybe it would help us all get along a little better.
What if we all just decided – with respect and compassion for each other – to play in the same sandbox?
It’s worth a try.
