I walk a lot – for exercise and my mental sanity, in equal measure. Mostly outside, but inside if particularly bad weather forces me off the streets.
For months now, if I start out early enough, I pass a couple of women who are walking together on the same route. No one else in their right mind is up at that hour, so we encourage each other with a head nod and a quick wave from across the street. We check the politeness box without being intrusive.
In the last few weeks, though, something’s changed. One of us will speak as we pass and make a throwaway comment about the summer heat. But how many times can you talk about how humid it is and make that interesting?
Today I thought, this is ridiculous. We have a common interest in walking. I see them often and we all seem like social people. And yet I still know nothing about them.
I vowed to stop if I saw them and see if they were open to having a real conversation.
Remember all the walks we took during the pandemic in 2020? Dogs (and some people!) were probably in the best shape of their lives that year as the homebound took any excuse to get out in the world, even if that meant distancing at least six feet from others out on the street.
We all experienced the pandemic differently. But even the introverts among us – who reportedly relished being at home – longed to connect with people eventually.
For good reason: humans are wired for connection.
Even if it was crucial to slow the spread of COVID-19, Harvard, NIH and others have reported since at least 2022 that the prolonged separation from social distancing during the pandemic took its own toll on the world’s population.
Isolation can lead to depression, anxiety, fear of others, as well as other mental and physical health problems. Phone calls and Zoom sessions can help, but in-person connection provides benefits technology can’t touch, no pun intended.
Why do we resist it then? Why do we put invisible boundaries around our social circles even when there’s no pandemic to force us apart?
Whether or not you’re a social butterfly, it takes effort to connect with someone else. We don’t want to be rejected, so we’re hesitant. What if they don’t have time for us? Or care about what we have to say? Making the first move can feel uncomfortable. Why would you invite that level of anxiety into your life?
And yet, think about your closest friendships or people you respect. Even if you were initially thrown together at school or work, you still had to make the effort to talk to each other. To discover what you had in common or what you could learn from each other and grow the relationship from there. Now, you can’t imagine your life without them.
None of that would’ve happened without that first interaction.
It doesn’t have to take much time or cost you anything.
Share your lunch time with a new coworker instead of hiding away at your desk. Strike up a conversation with someone sitting next to you on the subway instead of scrolling on your phone. Pay your restaurant server a complement.
Talk to another student in class that you’ve never met. Say hello to the fellow parent you’ve seen across the room at back-to-school night for years but never approached.
Take the first step in connecting with a stranger. You never know where it might lead.
So what happened when I passed the two women as I walked this morning?
We got beyond the weather! Turns out they both live close and we bonded (if briefly) over local issues. Nothing too deep…just enough to break the ice.
Even if nothing more comes of it, I’ll look forward to seeing those now more familiar faces pounding the pavement with me in the wee hours of the morning.
That alone was worth finally overcoming those awkward first steps.
