Long after the last piece of candy was handed out to friendly little ghosts on Halloween, celebrations continued worldwide to honor the spirits of our ancestors.
In Hispanic communities with Latin American and Mexican roots, family members and friends remembered deceased loved ones on Día de los Muertos, the “Day of the Dead.” The living celebrated the dead by feasting, playing music, dressing in brightly colored clothes and creating homemade altars (“ofrendas”) to pay homage to those who’ve gone before them.
The skeletons seen on faces and costumes are meant to be celebratory, not morbid. They symbolize the dearly departed, allowing their spirit to be present with us again.
Latino communities aren’t alone in remembering those they’ve lost this time of year.
The Christian faithful around the world celebrate All Saints Day and All Souls Day just after Halloween to remember and pray for the souls of their deceased. Some feast, others visit gravesites or light candles, but all find comfort in honoring those who have gone before them in their own way.
At my church on Sunday, the pastor read the names of parishioners who passed away in the last year. But she went a step further. After each name, she added a few words about the person to show their impact on others.
One man grew up as one of ten children in a family of little means. As an adult, he pursued a banking career and used his expertise to help people in need. He knew firsthand how they felt.
One woman’s experience as a special ed teacher led her eventually to teach individuals living with crippling brain injuries.
Another man created treasured drawings with his artistic talent and showed his love for others by maintaining long-time friendships.
Jobs pay the bills and help us achieve personal fulfillment. But what a person does in their time off to help others and make their community better – even when no one else was watching – often makes the most lasting impression.
Resume virtues vs. eulogy virtues
Best-selling author David Brooks popularized the notion of resume virtues versus eulogy virtues in a 2014 Ted Talk. Resume virtues, he notes, are the “skills you bring to the marketplace” – the ones you list on your resume. Eulogy virtues describe who you are – the personal qualities people talk about after you die.
Resume virtues are about winning – money, skills, whatever you need to achieve material success. Eulogy virtues are about becoming – developing your character through life experiences and interactions with other people.
These two sides of ourselves – which Brooks describes as “external success” versus “internal value” – constantly battle for our time and attention.
Most people recognize eulogy virtues as more important than resume virtues, but does the amount of time people spend on each reflect that? People must work to afford to live, but at what cost?
Ideally, you figure out how to mix the two.
My 20-something son works as a founder in the tech startup world. Some ventures succeed; others don’t. It’s just part of finding the one that works.
When an early company he helped start didn’t fly, he worked through the best way to let go of one of the employees who’d been with them since the beginning. The company wasn’t legally obligated to do much to help this guy bridge to his next job, but he had stuck with them in the trenches of trying to make the company work, and my son wanted to honor that. So they paid the guy more severance than was legally required to reward his dedication, even though the business didn’t work out in the end.
In business or personal interactions, doing right by others is always the right choice.
How will people remember you after you’re gone? Well, that depends a lot on you.
Maybe you resonate with where Brooks thinks many people are: “As long as I’m not obviously hurting anybody and people seem to like me, I must be ok, right?”
Surely, we can raise the bar a little higher than that.
How we spend our time matters. How we treat others – even strangers – matters.
As the saying goes, people won’t remember much of what you say, but they’ll remember how you made them feel. What you did for them or with them.
None of us is perfect and we fall short from time to time. But more often than not, are you kind? Do you support others when they need it most? Do you make people feel funny or valued?
Are you open-minded? Accepting? Do you show love and respect for others, even when you disagree or feel misunderstood?
Are you the kind of friend/parent/spouse/sibling that you would want to have?
These are the things you want to be known for now…and remembered for later. So get out there and live in a way that makes it happen.
Please share this post with the people in your life who need to hear it today:
YOU MATTER. Your words and actions make a real difference to others and our world!
